


i'm your lionheart

by softestark



Category: The Last Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Guilt, M/M, Pre-Slash, s03e10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softestark/pseuds/softestark
Summary: Finan should have known.For all he knew of him, he should have known how guilty Sihtric would feel for not saving Thyra.
Relationships: Finan/Sihtric (The Last Kingdom)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 48





	i'm your lionheart

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm actually posting this :__  
> Hello, everyone!  
> Huge fan of TLK here and huge fan of the pairing Finan/Sihtric. There are so many wonderful fics here about them and I wanted to contribute a bit.
> 
> I came with this idea while watching s03e10 because, c'mon, we know Sihtric. We know if he'd know Thyra was inside the house he would have done everything to try and save her, I mean looked at his face when the building collapsed. So I wanted to explore what Sihtric felt after that moment.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it :D The title is from the song King and lionheart from Of Monsters and Men which I think suits them perfectly
> 
> PS: Non native speaker, so I'll say sorry in advance for any mistakes

Finan knew that if he wasn’t at home, he wasn’t at the smith and he wasn’t with them there was only one place where Sihtric must have gone. It was late and the alehouse was almost empty, everyone paying their respects for their king by not going to drink. Finan scanned the place and found Sihtric sitting at a table, a cup of ale in front of him, his eyes wandering and his thoughts far away. He went directly to him and sitted by his side. Sihtric didn’t raise his head from the cup of ale, on the contrary, he took one long sip without looking at Finan. They sat in silence for a few moments, Finan knowing he had to give him time to decide to speak.

— I should have known she was there —he finally said. His jaw was tense and he clenched the cup when he brought it to his lips. He was not drunk, Finan noticed, but his eyes were a bit glazed and his words were low and starting to come out slugish. They both knew what was Sihtric refering to. Finan punched himself mentally for not having realized it earlier how Sihtric must have felt. Sihtric was usually quiet about his thoughts and although he never flinchs in front of them anymore, he didn't voice what was on his mind either. But Finan should have known, for he knows Sihtric better than anyone, apart from Uhtred and Osferth. He should have known that he would blame himself for not realizing that Thyra was in the house, for not trying to help her.

There were few who knew that Sihtric was indeed Sihtric Kjartansson, because he never adresses himself that way, tries to erase that part of him. But the people who knew where did he came from always saw him as the mirror of his father. They expected from Sihtric the same cruelty, the same violence as they would have expected from his father. Finan knew better. Sihtric wasn’t his father, nor he would ever been. Not only because he had grown at his shadow and with his blows as the only known touch and he had grown to despise him, but because he was, even in that world of violence where he was born, good. He would never been like Kjartan because Sihtric first instinct was to protect what had to be protected, because every fiber of his body screamed loyalty to those who were dear to him, to those in need of protection from injustice. Loyalty was a word Kjartan had not known.

Of course he was blaming himself for not having saved Thyra. He was good, but he was stubborn, like all of them, and it didn’t sit well with him when he didn’t get things right, when he felt like failure. Finan was still looking at him, trying to voice everything he was thinking, trying to convince Sihtric of what he knew for sure.

— You thought she was at the palace —Finan said, putting his hand on Sihtric’s arm, stopping him from having another sip—. It wasn’t your fault.

Sihtric clenched his jaw and his arm tensed under Finan’s touch. Finan looked his face transforming into pain and he clenched his jaw as well, waiting.

— I should have check that nobody was inside —he said and his voice was low, in the verge of breaking—. It is my fault she’s dead.

Finan couldn’t watch Sihtric break in front of him and do nothing.

— Hey —he said, taking Sihtric’s face in his hands, cradling his jaw with his thumbs—. It is nor your fault —he replied, his voice low because he didn’t want to be heard and because he wanted Sihtric to truly understand him. Sihtric finally met his eyes and Finan felt his stomach in a knot. His eyes were dangerously brilliant and he looked like he was going to cry the moment Finan let him go. For all the times he had seen Uhtred, even Osferth, crying, he had never seen Sihtric cry. Finan gulped, trying to ease the knot and the discomfort he felt in his body. He knew it was a bit odd touching Sihtric like that in front of other people but in that moment he couldn’t care less about what some peasants may think of them. Sihtric was still looking at him and he took air to speak.

— I should’ve tried to save her when you told me she was inside.

Finan could’t avoid the image forming in his head, Sihtric going inside a building on fire. He shook his head to clear the thought.

— She was lost, Sihtric —he said, as much as he hurt him to say that, he knew that to be true. No man could’ve gone to that building and came back with her alive—. You would’ve died trying to save her. The building would have collapsed over you —he tried to avoid that image too, but he couldn’t. He felt dizzy although he hadn’t drink one single drop of ale—. And I can't bear to lose you.

Sihtric’s eyes were still suspiciously wet, but he saw the change in them at his words, flames underneath them and something that looked like determination.Finan moved his thumb to caress his jaw, absently, while locking his eyes with Sihtric's. There was something there, between them, a subtle change, a realisation. In that moment, Finan was sure they both knew about it. Sihtric’s eyes were looking for something in his eyes and perhaps he found it because his face changed. He gulped and nodded slowly, as if the words Finan have said had finally taken over his mind.

Finan nodded as well and he retired his hands from Sihtric’s face and put them over the table, but Sihtric was faster. He intertwined his fingers with Finan’s and gave him a little squeeze, as a silent thanks. He was exhausted and a bit drunk and he didn't want to think about what he was feeling in that moment. He wasn’t sure about himself and he feared he may act recklessly and do something stupid. Like kissing Finan hard in front of the men of Wessex.

That would be a terrible mistake.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! If so, a comment would definitely make my day!


End file.
